To The Nearest Desk
by power-of-two
Summary: Alice is a little bored in class, and decides to use her origami lessons to send notes to her soon-to-be sister, Bella. Written by two authors...written by Alice and Bella.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N:Hi everyone, and welcome to Chapter One! This story was written by myself, and my almost sister, Alice. But this chapter was written by...Bella!**

**These letters were written in a revision free class in Calculus, the other day, then I wrote them into a story. So, onward with the story...please note, that Alice wrote her letter, and I, Bella, wrote mine. (The letters are written in italics)**

MS BELLA SWAN,

THE NEAREST DESK,

CALCULUS,

FORKS HIGH,

FORKS,

WA, USA

The paper origami bird fluttered neatly onto my gum encrusted desk. The comical address was written delicately on the animal's wing. I sighed, as I knew that only a superbeing (say, a vampire, perhaps?) could have possibly managed to fold a piece of paper, to show even the bird's detailed feathers. The daunting thing, was, that my favourite vampire was out hunting for the day. I took a deep breath, and unfolded the artwork.

_Dearest Bella,_

_Salutations from 10 centimetres away! How are you?_

_Learning, I hope – Edward threatened to take my Porsche away if you flunk your Calculus test. So, no pressure._

_We need to do some serious wedding planning tonight – I still don't think the centrepieces are big enough. Oh, and Esme is going out to buy your, 'something new'._

_Should I pick you up right away, after school? The wedding is only six weeks away, and we haven't even started choosing salmon brands! Oh, and Rose wants to have blood champagne (pig blood, of course) at the reception._

_TTYL ! Alice._

**(A/N I am one of these people who just doesn't understand abbreviations, so, for those people like me, TTYL means, 'Talk to you later')**

As I scanned the folded page, I noticed the writing had become more erratic towards the section of the letter that mentioned, 'The Wedding'. Ugh.

But, I dutifully picked up my pencil, and scrawled my answer on a blank page in my notebook. The things I do for terrifying little monsters who love to shop...

THE NEAREST DESK,

CALCULUS,

FORKS HIGH,

FORKS,

WA USA

_Hello Alice,_

_Well, sorry about your Porsche, but, let's face it – I will never pass Calculus. Secondly, those centerpieces are already 12 centimetres high! Thirdly, (w-o-w, this is going to be a long list) Esme cannot spend any more money on me, because NASDAQ will never recover._

_Rose can have whatever she wants, as long as you make sure that Edward brushes his teeth afterwards(it's bad enough that I will have venom inside of me, but I do not need pig blood in there too!) Speaking of Edward, didn't he look particularly – um, never mind._

_Well,_

_See you next time I blink._

_Bella Marie Swan (I mean Cullen...ugh, 6 weeks)_

_PS. Nice paper bird._

I scrunched the paper into a snowball (ha! My own form of origami!) and lifted the bottom of my textbook, in order to pass the note to Alice without being caught. The textbook clattered to the floor. The teacher made towards us, and bent to pick up the fallen textbook. I noticed the paper cannonball was missing.

**A/N:Well, there you go! Chapter One! Hopefully, you enjoyed it! If not, that is okay, because it does get better, and if you didnt like my writing style, the next chapter will be written by Alice, from her POV! **

**Also, for those who never watch the news, NASDAQ is a stock exchange acronym.**

**Please review, so that Alice and I can both reply...plus she is currently bouncing up and down, and refusing to stop unless she get's to write a reply.**


	2. Chapter 2 A

Tedium. Monotony. Complete and utter boredom.

Those are only a few of the words used to describe Geography class at Forks High.

Sure, I suppose it could be mildly interesting if you didn't know everything in the world, but I do, and I'm stuck in this mind-numbing class five days a week. I can seriously feel myself getting dumber.

I leaned back in my seat and casually stuck my hands in my pockets – the teacher had stopped asking me to answer questions ever since I had proved that Pangea didn't really exist. My fingers brushed against something – Bella's crude paper snowball from the previous Calculus class. As I really didn't have anything else to do, I decided to reply.

I took out a fresh piece of paper and began to write.

MS BELLA SWAN (SOON-TO-BE-CULLEN)

THE OTHER NEAREST DESK,

FORKS HIGH,

FORKS,

WA, USA

_My dear (almost!) sister,_

_You couldn't be more wrong about the centrepieces! I will not be content with them until they reach the ceiling! Oh, and I didn't send you some common bird note – it was a swan (like your name, see?)_

_Which would you prefer for a bouquet, roses or lilies? I need to call the florists by next week if we want to get them on time. I was thinking of using our diamond encrusted spoons for dessert, yay or nay?_

_Uh-oh, I've just had a vision, and you're going to get 14 per cent on that calculus test - will you convince Eddie to let me keep my Porsche? Pretty please Bella?_

_Esme needs to spend money on you silly, my credit cards are maxed out (who knew you can only spend two billion dollars a month?) We need to think wedding cakes - Edward does not want to have to eat chocolate icing (yuck!), even though he'd never admit it. _

_And, I'm going to ignore that comment about my brother shudders_

_Love you!_

_Alice._

I carefully folded the piece of paper to form a tiger (and Jasper had told me those origami classes were pointless!), and gently flicked it onto the desk beside me.

Bella jumped slightly, startled, and grabbed the note. I winced slightly at the sight of my squashed tiger, and watched as she unfolded the note and began to read. I bit the sides of my cheeks to keep from laughing at her expression – her grimace grew more pronounced after every line.

After she had scanned the note twice in disbelief, she ripped a piece of paper out of her jotter and began to scribble a reply.

I drummed my fingers impatiently on the table while I waited – sometimes her human speed could be incredibly irritating.

At last, she signed her name and attempted to fold the paper like I had, but she soon gave up and passed me another lumpy snowball.

I opened the note eagerly and began to read.

_Hello Alice,_

_How are you? How was your history class? Learn anything new yet? When are the others back from hunting?...Hopefully Edward will be back tonight, he is always...um, I mean, Emmett doesn't know my lullaby. Well, got to go, to normal people, that bell means that lunch is starting...to you, I guess it mean that you can whizz to the nearest shop and back..._

_No to the dessert spoons, and no to diamonds! We are in Forks (ha, get it?), not Buckingham Palace! _

_Bella_

_PS. Edward will be furious if he finds out that you called him ,'Eddie'._

_PPS. Two billion dollars?? On what?? _

I giggled quietly as the humans around us shuffled their papers and shouldered their backpacks. Bella was so silly sometimes, but it was good to have someone to talk to who wasn't a vampire, werewolf or Mike Newton. I blew my soon-to-be sister a kiss, and practically flew out of the classroom door. Now, time to see how many seconds it would take me to get to Port Angeles and back...

**A/N: Okay everybody, I had almost _too_ much fun writing this chapter! Hope you all enjoyed it! **


	3. Chapter 3 B

**A/N:Sorry I took so long writing the chapter...for the record, Alice took a lot less time getting back from Port Angeles. Alice and I would just like to thank twinklestartwinkle, orangemice311, Toshimi Reiko and rochsmell, for their wonderful comments, and for taking the time to actually review our story! THANK YOU! **

**Now, when we left our story, Alice was going to Port Angeles, whilst the rest of the human population of Forks High and I went to lunch...**

I opened my locker, with a deep sigh. The corridor was filled with bustling teenagers, all overflowing into the cafeteria. Smells of curly fries, and burnt, dry, steaks wafted through the school, only exciting those poor people that had been at school in Forks for one year too many. Checking my timetable, I began to pack my books into my ragged backpack. Struggling with the zip, I noticed a shadow, fall over me. Looking up, blinking at the source of the sudden shade, I saw Angela Webber standing over me. Smiling sympathetically, she took the bag from my grip, and pulled the zip shut, causing me to blush at my ineptitude. "Thanks Angela. Who knows how long I would have been trying close that?" she laughed kindly, and we made our way towards the cafeteria.

It was a buzzing hive of activity, and there didn't seem to be a single seat left. Luckily, I spotted a friendly, pale face in the sea of fake tan. "Alice,"I breathed I sigh of relief. Admittedly, even with her powers, I had been scared that she would be late for afternoon tutoring. But, sure enough, she even managed to beat me to lunch. Typical.

As I took a place beside her, in the seat she had saved for me, I noticed a paper flower resting gently next to a plate of lasagna that she had bought for me. At first, I thought the flower was a gesture from a caring lunch lady, or something. Until I saw my name on it.

MS BELLA SWAN,

THE NEAREST CAFETERIA SPACE,

FORKS HIGH,

FORKS,

WA USA

Oh no. Now what?

_Ciao Bella!_

_Guess who's back?_

_Yup, it's me, back from Port Angeles. I found the most adorable dress for your wedding rehearsal- I bought it in 4 different colours._

_Not bad for 3 minutes and 47 seconds! (I could've been faster if my Porsche hadn't been taken away hint, hint) Anyways, we're going to need to go shopping this week – that shirt you're wearing is hideous. And we seriously need to pick napkin patterns. Oh, how would you organise this wedding without me?_

_Speaking of the wedding, I picked you up a little something in Port Angeles – check your backpack! Hurry up eat your human food (who cooks meat? It's just wrong),because I have a library book that's been overdue for 10 years, and I feel like bringing it back._

_Well, that's all,_

_Alice xxx_

_PS. I've just 'seen' you spill juice all down the front of your shirt – good thinking, that thing is a crime against fashion!_

What? Four colours? I also noticed that she was wearing new earrings. Figures. I wanted to tell her that, without her, this wedding would be a lot less expensive, and ultimately, when I trip down the aisle, there would have been about two hundered people less to see it!

But, of course, I couldnt. Not only is she an extremely dangerous vampire, who could, quite literally, kill me, but she was also my friend, and future sister. You dont hurt friends like that. So, I decided to address the rest of her letter.

Completely ingnoring the point about my Calculus tests, I thought the shirt that I had chosen was pretty. Okay, so, in comparison to what, say, Jessica was wearing (an extremely short miniskirt, that, any shorter could have been called a belt, and a camisole top, that was more lace than fabric), it wasn't as...okay it looked nothing like what some of the others were wearing...but I wouldn't have called it 'hideous'.

Usin a pen that someone (probably Alice) had placed on my lap, I scrawled on the back of the back of the note:

THE NEAREST CAFETERIA SPACE,

FORKS HIGH,

FORKS,

WA USA

_Alice,_

_(Um, why are we writing notes at lunch? You know, just out of curiousity?)_

_Four colours? How much was each dress? I don't know if I can afford four rehearsal dinner dresses. Speaking of attire, Edward happens to think that I look lovely in everything...so there. Sorry about your having to be 'slow' but I will never pass Calculus! Not even with you or your family's help. The only way I will ever pass, is if someone bribes the examiner. No, wait, forget I wrote that._

As I tried in vain to scribble out the idea I must have given her for a scheme, she noticed my attempts, and snatched the crumpled paper from my grasp. Stupid, supersonic sister-to-be. She flashed me an amused smile, and handed the note back to me. She carefully pointed to the part about a surprise in my bag. I grimaced sardonically. Because, by jove, surprises from Alice are just always so much fun...

Dutifully, though, I held my silence. I looked down at the backpack between my knees, and, with a deep breath, I eased open the zip. I pulled something glossy from the pocket, and fell backwards of the chair, my leg kicking the tabletop, causing my glass of juice (which had been precariously placed on the edge of the table) to topple over, and pour all of the liquid onto my shirt.

Furious with Alice, I shoved the bridal magazines into the furthest reaches of my bag, and pulled out a fresh piece of paper.

THE NEAREST CAFETERIA SPACE,

FORKS HIGH,

FORKS,

WA USA

_Alice Cullen Whitlock!_

_What on earth were you doing in Port Angeles that resulted in my possesion of bridal magazines? You had better not have bought anything else...especially not for me. When I tell Edward about this you are going to be so dead. Wait, you are already dead, um...you are never going to be able to use your American Express card. EVER!_

And with that, I stormed off from the table, followed by the bewildered looks of my human friends who had not been privy to my conversation with Alice. I dumped my untouched lasagne, and the heinous magazines in the bin, and proceeded off to my truck.

**A/N:Well, there you go. Thank you again to the above four who reviewed, it really does mean a lot to us both.**

**Tune in for the next chapter...will I ever forgive Alice? Will Alice ever use her credit card again? Will I ever pass Calculus?**

**Thanks, Bella**


	4. Chapter 4 A

**A/N: This is definitely one of the most descriptive things I have ever written :S**

**Bella and I would like to thank SiriusEdward39, EDWARDandME, rochsmell and AliceCullenLivesForever (love the name!) for reviewing!**

**You know you want to see your name here – click that little blue button!**

**And now, on with the story...**

I gaped at Bella's retreating back, completely frozen in a state of shock. What exactly had just happened? I glanced down at the letter once more, trying to process the words scrawled messily on the page.

For the first time in my existence, I, Alice Cullen, was speechless.

Sure, I knew Bella didn't like my presents much, but she'd never even yelled at me before, let alone threatened me. I had been trying to do her a favour, after all. And, as for getting Edward to take away my American Express card, that was just plain mean.

"Uh, Alice?" Mike Newton waved a hand in front of my face, sending his scent in my direction – it reminded me vaguely of fried chicken.

"What?" I snarled, giving him a piercing glare. Mike almost jumped out of his skin with fright, before pushing his chair away from me as far as possible.

I took a few (unnecessary) deep breaths, grabbed my backpack, and headed towards the exit. I hesitated as I passed by the trash can Bella had dumped the magazines in. I had spent good money on those magazines, and it seemed a bit of a waste to leave them rotting in the trash. Besides, Rosalie could use them – she enjoyed pasting pictures of her head over those of the models'.

I wrinkled my nose and stuck my hand into the trash. The smell was absolutely revolting and my hands were soon covered with slimy food remains. The magazines appeared to have slipped to the bottom of the trash, and I almost toppled into the trash can trying to reach them.

At last, I had found the lasagne-covered magazines, and I sped out the door, hoping to catch Bella before she called my dear brother – I wouldn't put it past Edward to take away all of my credit cards (which would probably make me the first vampire ever to suffer from a stroke).

I found Bella at her truck searching her pockets frantically for keys. When she finally found them, she promptly dropped them in a mud puddle. I thought about helping her, but decided it was best not to – I didn't need to be Jasper to feel the fury radiating from her. Instead, I watched as she straightened up and bumped her head on her truck's side mirror. I couldn't help but giggle at her clumsiness. Bella whirled around, caught sight of me, and jumped into her truck. I noticed that her eyes were extremely red and puffy, and that she was shaking uncontrollably. She then pressed a crumpled sheet of paper up against the rain spattered window.

_Alice, just...please, just leave me alone. I just need to calm down...It isn't that I don't appreciate everything you are doing for Edward and I, but, it's just a little...in your face._

_I'm sorry Alice,_

_But, you really shouldn't be allowed in a gulp wedding store, with a credit card-wait! How is it that you still have a credit card? Carlisle is going to kill you for those bills, if Edward doesn't kill you for upsetting me first._

_Just, give me a minute._

_Bella_

_PS. Why do I smell lasagne?_

Bella curled up into a ball and turned away from me, still shivering. My mouth fell open once more. Had Bella, the ordinary _human_, just rejected _me_? This was turning out to be a very weird and aggravating day.

At that moment, my phone rang. I pressed the 'answer' button and held the phone up to my ear. At once, Jasper began talking faster than the speed of light, his tone pained and sounded somehow more feminine than usual.

"Jasper! Jasper, honey, calm down. Now, tell me exactly what's wrong – slowly." I instructed.

"Well," Jasper began, his tone still very erratic. "We were just driving home from hunting, and suddenly all these emotions hit me at once –"

Was that all? That was hardly something new for an empath. "Aww, sweetie, did you pass someone watching Titanic again?"

"No, no!" Jasper said irritably. "I felt...well, I was really angry, and confused, and I felt really misunderstood...AND I had a really weird craving for Edward, which really scared me. Is everything alright at home?"

"Bella reacted badly to a gift of mine, no big deal."

"Okay, get her to calm down soon – I don't think I can take it anymore. Oh, and I can't be around Edward for a few days..."

"That's fine honey; we'll go to the Bermuda Triangle again, oh, before you go...hide my American Express card." I added, glancing at my watch.

Jasper let out a low whistle. "Must've been some gift."

I rolled my eyes. "It's probably a good thing we're leaving for a while. I'll see you later, love."

I was almost home when I caught sight of a piece of paper fluttering in the breeze.

I knew what I had to do.

**A/N: This chapter is a little different from the previous ones – I hope you all enjoyed it anyway!**


	5. Chapter 5 B

**A/N: Well, despite the fact I have exams in less than two weeks, my, um, 'friend' (no-im kidding, I am much worse about her getting her chapters out at vapire-esque speed) forced me to finish writing the new chapter. So, here you go.**

**Thanks so much to fanficah0lic, StrawberriesAndFreesia, pearberry14, Cullen Of Random Funkiness, Mella Isi, TheMarshmaloWizardGhostCookie (what a name!) and you're dazzling me again.**

**But a special thanks to Toshimi Reiko, EDWARDandME and SiriusEdward39 for repeatedly reviewing! **

**Please Note: Major fluff warning – I am a really poetic romantic...so, major fluff warning!**

I can't stop shaking...and Alice was just running around the car park after a flimsy piece of paper. The sight of my interfering monster of a sister desperately blurring after a scrap of paper, that didnt tell her which store had renewed her store credit card, was hilarious. But I was too angry. It was because of her that I am stuck in this odorous truck. I couldn't understand why it smelt so...wrong. I only used the truck once a month, when the Cullens went away – surely there wasn't time for a rat to die under the seat...Oh, wait. It's the 'Pine Fresh' air freshner. Its practically burning my nose – I guess i'm just too used to Edward's scent.

Oh, Edward. W-o-w, i'm annoying myself with my pining. But I do miss him. A fresh flood of tears engulfed my vision...all I want is just to speak to him. I pushed away my self pity, and started looking for a phone. It wasn't until three seconds later that I remembered I didnt have a phone (okay-Alice was right. I should have let him at least by me a cellphone...). Giving into my self-despair, I curled into a tight ball, and rested me head against the cold window, waiting for the tears to fade.

There was a resounding crash next to my head, and I was suddenly falling out of my truck. A pair of strong, familiar arms caught me before I tumbled into a lake of a puddle. I looked up, with wet eyes, at the reflection of my soul.

"Edward." I breathed, blinking so as to see his glorious face. But it wasn't smiling – he looked determined and angry for some reason. "Bella! What happened? Where was it? What did they do? Which one was it?". I blinked at him, then hiccoughed – loudly. His threatening face was gone – replaced with confusion. He helped to my feet, supporting my stumble over my bag which had fallen onto the tarmac. "Bella?" he asked, full of gentle concern. I choked on my hiccoughs, which caused a fresh flood of tears. Alarmed, Edward asked again, "Bella? Please, say something?" I started mumbling, he did-he just-he did...

"Bella? Something coherent? Please love?". I gaped at him, struggling to form words over my hysterics, "You-you-you...my truck!" I managed to find a surprising amount of strength to splutter at him. " My-my-my truck!" I wailed like a four-year old again. He looked strangely calm...even...amused? "Bella," he began. " La-la-la-lasagne! Ma-ma-ma-magazines! M-m-my truck!" I spluttered out over my hysterics.

He leant against the door frame (which now, thanks to him, had no door!) with amused topaz eyes and my favorite smile on his face – but I refused to be taken in by his power over my heart- but his expression told me that he wasn't taking his mutilation of my truck seriously, so no 'dazzle-the-human'.

All of a sudden, there was a loud cry from somewhere in the parking lot. "Duct tape!"

Mike Newton of all people came running up to us – or rather sliding, as he tripped over my bag which still lay on the ground and fell to the puddle, coming to a magnificent sprawl at my feet. "Duct tape..." he said, momentarily confunded by his new ground 'floor' position. Edward and I looked down at his beetroot, muddy face. "Duct tape, for your car door, Bella." Edward suddenly straightened himself and asked, menacingly, "Did you see what happened to her door?"

Mike flinched. "N-no." Then, tired of this conversation excluding me, I pouted, "Its a truck Mike. Much better than any car. Or at least it was until-" I hesitated – no matter how mad I was, I had to protect my family. "-until I was an idiot enough to lean on the door." Edward glanced at me, with admiration.

I ignored him – Mike was hyper-ventilating, there was no need for me to start too. "Thanks, Mike. But i'm not too sure it's going to help." Edward relieved me of having to continue a conversation with the person that insulted my beautiful truck, by calling it, 'car'. Mike blinked, and struggled to his feet. I noticed that Edward didn't offer to help him. When Mike had made it to his feet, he kicked my door offhandedly. I hope it gave him a bruise. "Don't be so sure." He bent to pick up the door...and overbalanced, somersaulting into the door, smashing my window.

"Mike! M-m-my truck!" I screeched. Edward winced slightly at the pitch of my voice – well, it was no more than he deserved after dismembering my truck.. Plus, was it my fault that he had super-hearing? I mean, really. My fault?

"You had better run, Mike. Don't worry about the-uh" he nodded his head at me, "-the truck. My sister Rosalie will be able to fix Bella's door, i'm sure."

As Mike skulked away, with his head hung, I noticed a piece of paper slid under my windscreen-wiper.

Oh great. Another one.

MS BELLA SWAN

THE RUSTY TRUCK

FORKS HIGH PARKING LOT,

FORKS, WA,

USA

_Bella,_

_Sorry to cut short your mourning (now you're crying about the "death" of inanimate objects? What's next?), but I need you to read this as you're obviously still mad at me. I just wanted to let you know that Jasper and I are heading off to the Bermuda Triangle for a few days - so I can give you some space and so Jasper can deal with some...uh...empath issues. I'll see you when I get back, if you don't mind talking to me by then. Oh, and just by the by, I'd let Edward drive home if I were you - just to avoid any ice-cream van related accidents that may or may not occur. Well, I'm off on my well-earned vacation (don't worry about the wedding planning, I'm sure Emmett will agree to help you), I'll send you a postcard!_

_And...ahem...I'm dreadfully sorry about your "loss"._ Oh and I called Edward – I am the best? You betcha!

_Love,_

_Alice_

_P.S. To my dearest brother - if you so much as TOUCH my Porsche, I will find out, and you will end up in a LOT of pain. Just a friendly warning._

I showed it to Edward. "You mean all of this was about the wedding? She said it was the Volturi!" he cried indignanlty.

The maniacal look on his face told me, this wasn't over.

"I wonder if using a fork-lift at the crusher requires you to actually touch the car?".

**A/N: Well, there you go! The return of Edward! And the demise of Alice! Mwa-ha-ha...w-o-w I really should not have just eaten a chocolate...mwa-ha-ha**

**Stay tuned for the demise of Alice!!**


	6. Temporary Hiatus Notice

**A/N A Temporary Hiatus Notice.**

**Unfortunately, we will have to leave the story here for the time being...because a certain someone-ahemAliceahem-has gone off to a camp and 'couldn't find time to type out the next chapter'. **

**Anyway, the moment she gets back I will have her submit it, on pain of my destryoying ALL of her store cards. **

**So please, bear with us. We will have the next chapter up by the end of July. We are both really sorry for this delay and we hope that you will continue reading the story when it is done. **

**Thank you so much to all who have reviewed our story! Those who have posted reviews after the pulication of the previous chapter (Chapter 5) will have your names published on the next chapter.**

**PS. Um, we realised we hadn't put a disclaimer on this story, so (very quickly) We do not own Twilight or any of its related characters**


	7. Chapter 6 A

**A/N: Hi everybody! Alice here, back from summer camp! First of all, let me apologize ****for not posting this chapter sooner, I promise it won't happen again. In summary, we're BACK! We'd like to thank OnlyinFiction, gypsy.eilidh, ****TheMarshmalloWizardGhostCookie, Tess Wey, Bellaxvampire, Cullen Of Random Funkiness, StrawberriesAndFreesia, pearberry14, SiriusEdward39, Topaz The Vampire, NoMoreThanUsual, Elizabeth marie cullen, lauracullen, BlueDrummer, AliceCullenLivesForever and MellaIsi. You guys rock! Anyway, back to our story...**

I hummed cheerily as we boarded the plane, extremely pleased with my own brilliance. I did feel a little bad leaving Bella with what would (most likely) be an extremely irritated Edward, but when someone threatened the well-being of my Porsche, that someone was going to pay. Lesson one in the Cullen household: never try to mess with amazingly intelligent, future-seeing, vampire kid-sister's expensive sports car. The consequences will not bode well for you.

I slid gracefully into a seat, turned off the air conditioning and handed a paper bag to the boy seated behind me – he was going to need it.

"Um, Alice?" Jasper asked cautiously, sitting down beside me. "Is there any reason _why_ you're feeling insanely happy right now? It's scaring me a little."

"I'm just so happy we're going on vacation!" I squealed, stretching up to kiss him on the cheek.

"Actually, I don't think –" Jasper was cut off by the sound of my cell phone vibrating in my pocket.

"Hold that thought, honey." I chirped, flipping my phone open. I was going to enjoy this.

"ALICE!" Edward roared. "I AM GOING TO KILL YOU!"

Temper, temper. "Don't you think that's a _tiny_ bit melodramatic, Edward? Besides, I'm already dead."

I could hear Edward slowly counting to ten before he spoke again. "If you think this will stop me crushing your Porsche then –"

"Oh, but I do." I tapped my forehead knowledgably. "Seer of the future, remember?"

Edward was growling by now, making horrible crackling noises into the phone. "You are such a vile, petty –"

"– beautiful, charming, intelligent person." I completed for him. "Oh, and I've left you a few little surprises around the house." I added with a smile.

"When I get my hands on you –"

"Hmm? Sorry, Edward, I think you're breaking up. What did you say?"

Edward gritted his teeth. "I said that –"

"Nope, can't hear a thing!" I said loudly, attracting a few stares. "I'll call you when I get back. Bye!" I snapped the phone shut before he could reply. I turned back to Jasper, who was staring at me apprehensively.

"Alice, what have you done?"

I raised my eyebrows. "Nothing." I said innocently.

Jasper snorted. "Don't give me that look, I _know_ you've done something and you're going to tell me what it was."

I let out a dramatic sigh. "Fine, I'll tell you. But it _was_ self-defence. I mean, Edward was going to _crush _my Porsche, Jasper. My _Porsche_! So I asked myself, what thing is most important to Edward? And the answer was Bella, but I thought it was a teensy bit unfair to make her suffer for my revenge. So I reverted to Edward's _second_ favourite thing."

"What are you –" Jasper's eyes widened. "You didn't."

"Couldn't resist." I grinned as I threw the keys to Edward's Volvo up into the air and caught them again. "It's rather fitting, don't you think? An eye for an eye, a car for a car. Though, of course, the Volvo doesn't even _compare_ to my Porsche."

"Alice..." Jasper began sternly, still gazing at the keys in my outstretched palm.

"Oh, lighten up, Jasper! It's not like I'm not going to give them back! And you have to admit it _was_ pretty funny."

Jasper contemplated the situation for one long moment, before glancing at me again. I gulped, preparing myself for a lecture, but when I looked at Jasper, he was wearing a mischievous grin and his eyes were twinkling.

"Now," he said, taking the keys from me and spinning them around his smallest finger. "Don't tell me you stopped at his car – that doesn't sound like the Alice Cullen _I_ know."

I beamed up at him. "Oh, I did a lot more than just that..." I readied myself for a long, enjoyable conversation. Once again, I had won. If anybody was keeping score, it would go something like this: Alice: 5462 Edward: 0

**A/N:** **It was a little short, but I hope you all enjoyed it! You get invisible muffins whenever you review, so click that little button! **


	8. SPECIAL EDITION! Chapter 7 BA

**A/N: SPECIAL EDITION!! WOO HOO!!**

**This is to celebrate our incredible readers and your immense patience! Thank you so much! So, how is this chapter special, you ask? Well, it was written by BOTH of us! It is a huge culmination of the plot line – just to mark our fantastic fans and a key chapter of our story!**

**So...here it is. We hope you like it!**

** Bella's POV**

The maniacal look on his face told me, this wasn't over.

"I wonder if using a fork-lift at the crusher requires you to actually touch the car?".

"Edward...you killed my truck!" I wailed. He said I was being dramatic. If I wasn't mistaken I would think that he didn't care that he had killed my truck. "Right. Bella. Not now. I will get you a new – um – old truck. But right now, I need to...I just..."he trailed off, looking at me with carefully controlled eyes. He ran off towards the forest leaving me standing in the deserted parking lot.

Suddenly I heard a wail which quickly becam a snarl coming from the forest where Edward had gone. Was it my imagination, or were the trees quivering? Panic then ensued in the animal kingdom as hundreds of birds came shooting out of the fir trees, faster than bullets leaving a gun. Edward's voice reached me from the other side of the wood.

"Alice! I am going to kill you!" Oh dear. After about ten seconds, I heard his carefully controlled voice filter through the brush. " If you think this will stop me crushing your Porsche then -". He started growling – loudly. If he wasn't careful the entire school would hear him. I don't know what Alice said to him, but, um, control? Ha. "You are such a vile, petty -" Maybe not the best time to mention the wedding magazines. "When I get my hands on you -" Or the lasagne. "I said that -". Alice must have put the phone down, because my angry vampire came stalking out of the forest.

As he came towards me, I started towards him. I started but didn't quite make it as I fell over my car door. It may have not given Mike a bruise, but it gave me one. Out of habit Edward caught me before I hit the floor. I looked up at his eyes which were now a sharp, threatening black. I hugged him and tried not to shiver in terror. Edward pulled me tighter and, careful not to crush me, lifted me onto the driver's seat of my truck. I looked up at him, and his eyes softened slightly. "I was worried, love. I'm sorry about your truck. And I didn't mean to scare you." I put my hand on his arm. He smiled gently – but I could still see his anger burning in his eyes.

"I'm a Barbie Girl,

In a Barbie Worrrrrrrrlllllddddd.

Im made of plastiiiiiccccc,

It's fantaaassssssttttttiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiicccc"

started coming from Edward's pocket. I chocked back a laugh. Well, at least Alice was thorough about annoying her brothers. Without taking his eyes from my face, he opened the sliver of metal that was his phone. "Carlisle?" he answered, surprised. His face slowly began to light up. Edward's face was painted with a mischevious smirk. A shiver escaped from my control.

Edward said into the phone, "No Carlisle. No idea. Of course." . He helped me down from the truck and towards the Volvo. Edward reached for the door handle. I would have asked what Carlisle wanted but the look in Edward's eyes told me that I probably didn't want to know. Edward suddenly let go of my hand and straightened up. The door wouldn't open. He braced himself against the door and carefully pulled at the handle. It was stuck. "Um, maybe you locked it?" I offered. Edward shook his head slowly and started mouthing what I could only imagine to be profanities in every language ever invented. "Edward?" I asked, careful not to let my voice shake. He turned his back to the car, to face me. 'Alice' he said. Oh dear.

"Well, um, you could try...uh...putting a rock or...your fist through...through the window?" I struggled to finish the question. He stared open-mouthed at me. "Bella, its not your truck. Its – its the Volvo!" he finished lamely. I ignored him. He was overreacting. So Alice had taken the keys to the Volvo, locking Edward out of his precious car. It wasn't like his door had been wrenched off its hinges. His gaze travelled back to the Volvo. 'Alice.' He growled again with a widening smile. Still smiling he punched a number at lightening speed into his phone.

"Emmett. I know who sold all of your underwear on eBay."

**Alice's POV**

"But honestly, Jasper, I stopped there." I lied, tossing Edward's car keys to my laughing husband.

"You expect me to believe _that_?" Jasper rolled his eyes, snatching the keys out of the air with impossible speed. "We're talking about the person who sold all of Emmett's underwear on the internet just because he told her she looked bad in lilac."

I giggled at the memory, grabbing the keys out of his hands. "All right, I might've also switched his hair gel with superglue...but that's _it_."

I tried to dodge out of the way as Jasper pounced - still sitting down - trying to get the keys from me. I squealed and began hitting him with my handbag as we fought over the keys.

"Ahem."

We both froze in place, glancing sheepishly up at the air hostess leaning over us.

"Is everything all right over here?" she asked, disapproval ringing in every syllable.

"Just peachy." I beamed up at her, revealing all my teeth. She took an involuntary step backward.

"Uh, yes, well...if you could refrain from -" she paused, peering at our hands, clasped round Edward's keys. "- from...uh... Well, please be considerate of our other passengers."

"We sure will. Thanks for coming over." I flashed her my signature smile again, causing her to blink several times before staggering away from us.

"You're an evil little monster." Jasper grinned, jabbing my side and taking the keys again. I decided to let him lull himself into a false sense of security before I took the keys back.

I glanced absently down at my lap, when something caught my eye. There was a clean, crumpled snowball lying there. It looked like...but no, it couldn't be...how would it have gotten here? I then realized that I hadn't looked into the future since I'd boarded the plane - I'd been too preoccupied. Big mistake.

I took a deep breath and opened the note.

_MS ALICE CULLEN_

_THE NEAREST AEROPLANE SEAT_

_FIRST CLASS_

_AMERICAN AIRLINES BOEING 737BH_

_RUNWAY 3N_

_SEATTLE TAKOMA AIRPORT_

_Alice,_

_Locking us out of the Volvo – not funny. How could you do that? Plus, you nearly caused Edward to obliterate my truck (okay, so between he and Mike it was in pieces, but really?)! As it stands, his phone is now a handful of powder..._

_Love (as you probably will not live long), _

_Bella._

_PS. By the way..._

_ Turn around._

Oh, great.

I squeezed Jasper's hand tightly and turned to face two familiar people with two _very_ familiar expressions - one practically spitting with fury, the other meek and beetroot red.

"Hiya," I said weakly, forcing a smile.

"Hello," Edward whispered softly as threatening visions of my demise flashed through my mind.

Bella blushed deeper scarlett and fixed her gaze on her shoes. Jasper shot Edward a brief, warning look before taking on an expression of polite uninterest.

"How did you get here in time?" I asked, attempting to distract Edward, while internally cursing myself for not paying attention to the future.

Edward, sidetracked, opened his mouth to answer just as the old intercom crackled to life.

"I am terribly sorry, ladies and gentlemen, but it appears we are going to experience a short delay" - groans issued from almost everyone on the aircraft - "as it seems there is a young man of gigantic proportions refusing to get off the runway."

**We would also like to praise our amazing reviewers, in particular; StrawberriesAndFreesia, EvanescentRomance, annoyingpixie1901, Jessi-Twilight -Lover and pearberry14. MUFFINS TO YOU!**

**Stay tuned for our next chapter...by Bella! What will happen on the plane?**


	9. Chapter 8 B

**A/N: So, did we leave you on tenterhooks?? Well, this next bit should be interesting as we return to Bella's POV on the plane to Bermuda.**

**We would just like to quickly thank these amazing people for reviewing; blondemysterychic, evenstarsbreak, anything, ReallifeBella and Mimi-Love-4ever**

**We would also love to thank these incredible people for repeatedly reviewing; SiriusEdward39, Tess Wey, elizabeth marie cullen, Bellaxvampire, peraberry14, Jessi-Twilight-Lover, AliceCullenLivesForever (not if Edward has his way!), rochsmell and EvanescentRomance**

The silence seemed to stretch for an eternity – and those incurring it definitely knew all about eternity. Well, there wasn't complete silence. There was the baby in Row 34 who was wailing it's little head off. Plus the airhostesses were serving dinner, so the air was punctuated with a smile and a generic, 'Chicken or Beef?'.

I looked up from my lap at Edward – he hadn't spoken a word since we had heard about Emmett's little dance on the runway. According to overheard gossip from those who were seated at the windows, he had caused quite a stir. I was still curious though as to what had happened to him. When I asked, Edward replied, "The police phoned Carlisle. He arrived at the terminal an hour later – he probably thought that was decent punishment for skipping his 'Pimp My Ride' tutorial with Rosalie – and, once Carlisle had convinced the police that Emmett was not trying to protest global warming, Emmett was allowed to go home."

I considered this, as the idea of Emmett protesting global warming was quite comical. I couldn't help but picture him standing on the roof of his gas-guzzling car, holding a, 'SAVE THE WORLD!' sign, dressed as a globe. At my outburst of giggles the nearest passengers stared at me.

Embarrassed, I looked back down at my lap. I saw a crumpled ball of notepaper on my lap. Shocked, I pierced the back of the seat in front of me, as if trying to read the thoughts of the one who sat in it. I could always ask Edward, but something told me that he wouldn't tell me what Alice was thinking if it would hurt me and if I knew Alice, whatever she had to say was going to hurt.

THE NEAREST AEROPLANE SEAT

FIRST CLASS

AMERICAN AIRLINES BOEING 737BH

30 000ft ABOVE THE EARTH

_Dear -sniff- Bella,_

_HOW COULD YOU??_

_First, I decide to plan your wedding for you out of the goodness of my heart! Then, I spend my own money on you, and you throw it in the trash! I call your boyfriend when you're having a nervous breakdown and then you both decide to follow my husband and I on our private vacation! _

_Who DOES that? _

_Okay, maybe I'm overreacting a little, but seriously, EMMETT? _

_Oh, and by the way, I am not ordering a bigger cruise boat for the four of us. You and Edward can swim. So, ha. _

_Couldn't you have given me a break for three measly days? I promise to do everything for the wedding when I...when I... Wait a second...if you're here, and I'm here, and Edward's here..._

_THEN WHO IS PLANNING THIS WEDDING?? _

_Can this day get any worse? _

_Your "friend",_

_Alice_

_P.S. Let my dear brother know this isn't over...September 1964 will be NOTHING compared to this!_

I crumpled the letter back into a ball, tears stinging my eyes. Nice person. She just didn't get it. I was scared of getting married. I was scared of what it would bring. As I started shaking, my vampire looked over. He gently prised the letter from my trembling, but iron, fist. Placing his arm around my shoulders, he read the letter. Edward, handing me a tissue from his pocket, then leaned forward and spoke over the head of Alice's chair. She was so short I couldn't see her head. I knew it was pointless to eavesdrop – I had long ago learnt that Edward only spoke at human speed when he intended me to hear. Jasper's head appeared over the chair to look at me. I stuck my tongue out at him. He grinned at me, then pulled a hideous face. I heard a distinctive, 'Honestly. The youth of today are even younger than they seem. Even when they are exuberantly wealthy, they act like three year olds.'

I blushed and buried my head in my hands. Edward sat back and tenderly pulled my hands away from my burning face. Then, with a slight smile, he intertwined his fingers with mine and returned to his movie. Strange. An hour ago he was furious. Now he was smirking slightly and perfectly content with his television screen, which, despite our being in - First Class, was still startlingly small. But he couldn't fool me. The hand that wasn't holding mine was gripping the armrest with such force I wondered as to why it hadn't turned to dust. His every muscle seemed to be tensed, waiting for the moment the plane landed and he could continue to pursue his revenge over Alice.

His movie screen flashed and I noticed that the car on screen had blown up. Clearly, not the period classic I had thought it was. More likely Die Hard 4.0. Strange. I noticed though, that the car that blew up looked oddly like a Porsche. I hope he wasn't getting any ideas...

The airhostess broke my trance. I found that there was already food on my tray table, which had already been set up. With a questioning glance at Edward, he smiled my favourite smile and said, 'I got you the beef – but it will probably taste exactly like the chicken, so I don't suppose it matters.' With a twinkle in his eye, he added, 'I chose the vegetarian option.' I smiled, soothed by his gentle tones.

Suddenly, he stiffened. I was terrified – what had he heard from the minds of the passengers? "Edward?" I asked, shakily. He ignored me, and rounded, with narrowed eyes, on the back of Jasper's seat. I couldn't breathe – what was wrong? Then, Edward broke the tension with a fit of surpressed laughter.

I looked apprehensively at my vampire and looked back towards Jasper's chair, to find the source of the laughter. The airhostess was standing unnecessarily close to Jasper, and Alice's face had appeared between the gap in the chairs, looking utterly livid. I saw the airhostess leaning over Jasper, in an attemp to be alluring. I still didn't get it. Alice, putting her hand on Jasper's arm, said, "Oooh, who should have to eat, honey?". The four of us froze. Jasper, whom I couldn't see, but who's voice sounded strained corrected her. "I think the vegetable lasagne, as – you are right dear – animals are people too." At this stage, I hid my smile, and Edward started shaking with silent laughter.

The airhostess' – perturbed – smile faultered. I would have felt sorry for her if the beef had actually tasted like beef. Or even chicken for that matter.

As the airhostess stalked sulkily away, Alice's seat started to recline into a flat bed, so that she was looking up at me. So no change there then, said the still resentful side of me. It was a very cruel letter. But Alice had her attention focused on Edward. "You are going to tell me everything that that woman said about my husband." Edward sat back in his chair, amused. I couldn't help but be reminded of the Godfather – always holding all of the cards. He smirked maliciously. "I wouldn't want to taint Bella's ears and innocent thoughts. In fact Alice, if I were to tell you in front of her, she may even have to dye her dress cream."

I blushed fiercely for all to see. But before Alice could respond, the intercom once again, crackled into life.

"Could all passengers please return to their seats, buckle their seatbelts, restore their tray-tables and if in any class with elctric recliner seating, could they please be repositioned into an upright position. Thank you for flying American Airlines and we hope to see you again. If you are visiting , welcome to Bermuda, and if you live here – Welcome home."

The tourists behind me, whom I had overheard saying that they won this trip from a scratchcard, sadi, "We have to make sure we get some Bermuda shorts!"

As the plane angled forwards directing us to the runway, I watched Edward's smile widen, whilst Alice's eyes did the same.

To think I could be in English class right now.

**A/N: Well, I hope you all enjoyed it! There are some pretty good surprises awaiting, so stay tuned!**

**I can't make muffins like Alice – but I can make chocolate cake! So please review! It really does make our day to hear from you!**

**DISCLAIMER: We would like to acknowledge that we do not own American Airlines, Die Hard 4.0, Porsche nor Twilght or any of it's affiliates.**

**Enjoy the next chapter!**


	10. Chapter 9 A

**A/N: Hey everybody! It's Alice, back with another chapter! Yay! Bella and I would like to thank: Bellaxvampire, Tess Wey, Evanescent Romance, lildarkcookie, Tsubacci, AliceCullenLivesForever, pearberry14 and OnlyinFiction for reviewing! Hope you enjoy the chapter!**

Of all of the vacations I've ever been on, including the one where Emmett got Jasper and I arrested in Japan, this had to be the worst.

If it were under different circumstances, I knew I'd be bursting with happiness right now. After all, I love Bella like a sister and I _guess_ that Edward _can_ be nice when he thinks about it but they really need to start respecting my privacy. I mean, they followed me on my _private _vacation with my husband and they expect me to be _okay_ with that. At least one of them (and I'm pretty sure it's Edward) must be a little touched in the head.

With a jolt the plane hit the runway and I heard Jasper let out a sigh of relief. I squeezed his hand sympathetically, the poor thing. I knew he didn't like flying much – too many emotions in an enclosed space – and with a war of epic proportions going on between me and my dear brother the flight must've been far from easy for him.

A vision flashed before my eyes, jerking me out of my reverie. I knew whose decision had caused it – Edward had been tormenting me with horrible images of the future throughout the entire journey. I thought I had gotten rid of him for good when I had started singing 'Every time We Touch' in my head.

I felt my eyes widen as the scene played before me. Edward was sitting on my bedroom floor, happily cutting up a piece of leather. It took me a few seconds to realise what the scrap of leather was and when I did I let out a gasp of horror. My brand new leather boots – the designer ones with the red ribbons – were lying in pieces on the floor. If I had not been on an aircraft full of innocent humans I would've killed Edward right then. But I was and so I contented myself by glaring at him and hissing,

"Touch my leather boots and the Volvo gets it."

The smirk on Edward's face vanished in an instant. I didn't need to elaborate – he knew the amount of pink spray paint and glitter that was stored up in the attic.

At last, the aeroplane shuddered to a halt.

I leapt out of my seat at once (ripping the seatbelt in the process) eager to get off the wretched plane. Jasper grinned at me, kissing me on top of the head and sliding out of his seat gracefully. I was about to follow him when I noticed Edward standing parallel to me.

He took a step back, grinning wickedly. "After you, Alice." To someone outside of our family, he would be the epitome of politeness. Only I heard the menacing edge to his voice.

"Why, thank you, Edward." I mimicked, flashing him a wide smile and following Jasper toward the top of the plane, where one of the air hostesses was bidding the passengers farewell.

Anger flared up inside me when I realised it was _her_. The stupid little girl who had developed a liking for _my_ husband. How dare she even come _near_ Jasper? I didn't need to see the future to know that she would pay…maybe not right now, but she would get her comeuppance soon enough.

"Thank you for flying with us! Enjoy your vacation!" she gave an elderly couple a vapid smile as they exited the aircraft.

It was our turn to leave the aeroplane when Jasper turned to thank to the air hostess. I felt the fury well up inside of me. If he wasn't careful he'd be next on my list of people I wanted to kill (which was growing considerably large at this point).

He smiled at the airhostess, who looked ready to explode with happiness. "Thank – ahh!"

I grabbed his collar and yanked him down to my level, smiling sweetly. "Come on, Jasper dear, let's not hold everyone up." I dragged him out of the plane without a backwards glance.

The four of us walked to baggage claim in silence. Well, not complete silence – Edward and Bella were still laughing about the airhostess as we collected our bags.

Fifteen minutes and nineteen suitcases later, we exited the tiny airport and went in search of our cruise boat that would take us to our hotel. After a while, we located the boat with the sign 'Cullen' over it. I frowned up at it.

"Something's wrong." I murmured and everyone turned to look at me.

"What do you mean?" Edward asked, automatically tightening his hold on Bella.

Jasper was staring at the boat in confusion. "She means that the boat is too big. When we booked it, it was only for the two of us. So why –"

Jasper was cut off by a familiar, booming laugh that echoed around the harbour.

I felt my jaw drop. "No way." I shook my head in disbelief. "That's not possible. It can't be…"

Two familiar people jumped up from their hiding places on the boat. "SURPRISE!" Emmett and Rosalie called, grinning at us like maniacs.

I felt the anger returning again and I added two more individuals to my list. I stomped up the gangplank to where a joyful Emmett was waiting.

"Hey Alice!" he pulled me into one of his bone-crushing hugs. "Are you surprised? After I got kicked off the runway, I started thinking how _fun_ it would be if we all went on vacation together!"

"We took the private jet so we'd beat you here." Rosalie added from behind me.

I heard Bella let out a gasp. "You guys have a _jet_?!"

At this point, everyone (except for me) laughed. "And then we both agreed that three days wasn't long enough." Emmett continued, going over to hug Bella. "So we booked two weeks at the resort. Isn't that _great_?"

**A/N: You know you want some muffins...so, review! It means so much to both of us! The leather boots thing is a reference to our other story 'The Insanity of Eternity', so check that out for more Cullen-related madness! Stay tuned for Bella's next chapter...how will Alice react to Emmett's "wonderful" news? You'll have to wait and see!**


	11. Chapter 10 B

**A/N: My turn! Sorry it has taken so long for me to finish writing, I have since been across three continents, so this chapter was mostly thought up in various transit lounges around the world. Alice and I would like to thank the lovely people who have reviewed our story – it really does mean so much to us. So, our thanks goes to Moniee and An.Aria.Of.Moonlight, for reviewing this chapter.**

**A very special thanks, once again, to Bellaxvampire, lildarcookie, pearberry14, AliceCullenLivesForever, Tess Wey and elizabeth marie cullen for taking the time to review us so many times!**

**We appreciate all of your comments and all of your thoughts. On with the next chapter!**

Silence. Just...silence. We each sat with our significant other on the sun loungers arranged into pairs. Just...waiting. I sat back into the hard plastic of the chair, uncomfortably. The sun teased me – it cast its rays just half a foot away from where I sat with Edward under the sun umbrella. Catching me gazing longingly at the strong, bright light with the promise of warmth, Edward murmured "The line of the trapezoid will come soon, love. Then we can sit in the sun."

I knew that my abnormal family would attract a certain amount of unwanted attention, but I still longed for the forgotten heat of the sun. I was distracted though, by Edward's comment. "The trapezoid?" I turned my head to look questioningly at Edward and the others. "As in...the Bermuda Triangle? I thought you were kidding!" . "No, Bella', Emmett sighed from a few metres across from Edward and I.

Edward stiffened next to me. "Here we go." remaked Rosalie. "Ten says she hurls" chuckled Emmett. "Twenty." Jasper smiled greedily. Edward put his arms protectively around me. I glanced out at the perfect, glass – smooth water that surrounded the boat. This would not be good.

The boat began to shake and tremble, its newly built floors creaking and juttering violently. I curled further into Edward's chest. He held me tighter as the lounger began to slide out from under me. From behin my own gasps and stifled squeals I heard Emmett choke through his laughter, "Forty!". Edward growled but I could barely hear it through the sound of waves crashing into the sides of the boat. The water had become a steel grey and were smashing into each other – as if the pull of the tide was ripping the water to shreds, creating a cacophony of water. I felt my stomach enter my mouth but I would not give the unfortunately indestructible vampires the satisfaction of seeing my lunch again. I clutched at Edward's shirt, confused at what was sky and what was sea. Until I realised that the sky had clouded and was pounding rain into the sun umbrella – a superfulous piece it now seemed.

As the sea thrashed against the boat and rushed over the high sides of the boat, swirling fiercely just inches beneath my feet. The boat pitched dangerously to one side. It seemed that we were going to be hurled into the water. Into vicious storms and that terrifying dark abyss of water. I closed my eyes tightly and took a huge gulp of air, pulling myself closer to Edward.

Then, it was all over.

"Bella, love? You can open your eyes, now." my angel said from above me. "And Edward would probably appreciate you breathing, too, Bella." I heard from an apathetic Rosalie. "Unbelievable. I was sure..." Emmett said, astounded as I got carefully to my feet and forced my eyes open, still not looking away from the stitching of Edward's shirt. As I rose, and stumbled drunkenly on the spot, I took stock of the surrounding area. My clothes and feet were dry, despite the rain and the storm. The sky had returned to a cloudless blue – so light but so deep it caused me to blink after that momentary darkness. Edward prized my fingers from the collar of his shirt and pressed my white knuckles gently to his cool cheek. I looked up into his amused but concerned eyes. The look on my face must have alerted Edward as to what was coming next, as he gestured towards the glass door that led into the cabins. "Get your money, boys. She's gonna blow." laughed a sadistic Rosalie as I ran for the bathroom.

When I returned to the deck – now a sickly shade of green – the entire atmosphere had changed. Everyone was in swimsuits and someone had set up a volleyball court. Oh no. A volleyball court. I had hideous premonitions of running at the ball, tripping ove rmy own feet into the net and sumersaulting straight into the water. And Emmett laughs. That's another part of my own, personal nightmare. But, even in dark dreams, there is always a light. My candle carrying angel came up from behind me and put his hands on my waist. "You don't have to play. Just a prop. Most sports don't really give us much enjoyment. Apart from the odd ones." I turned to look at him as a grin crossed his face.

Shuddering away from the thought of sports, I asked, "Has Alice said a single word since the airport? Actually," I said looking frantically around the deck for my pshycotic (but loveable at a distance) sister, "has anyone seen her since the storm? She didnt...fall off and drown, did she?" Edward laughed at my guiltily hopeful face. He then looked at me, confused. "Storm? Oh, the crossing of The Triangle. It's the fabled, "storms of the Bermuda Triangle". Completely harmless on the inside, but quite vicious and hard on the outside. Hmn...more mythical magic." he laughed thoughtfully at his joke. I pulled a face in response. "What like...the Perfect Storm and...the ceiling in Harry Potter?"

Rosalie, from the sun lounger next to the side of the boat (I leaned away cautiously) stood up in a rage. "Harry Potter?" she shrieked. "Easy, Rose." Emmett had entered onto the deck in Bermuda shorts. "Maybe wear something else, next time, Em. Last thing I need is Bella feeling sick again." Edward's amusement betrayed his solemn tone." "Funny, brother. But at least she can see what a real man looks like. or, at least, a vampire-man." Emmett replied tauntingly. I cringed and blushed a fabulous red. Edward grimaced and looked down, embarassed. In all of this we had forgotten about Rosalie.

"Harry Potter? Is this a joke? He represents everything that we stand against. His pathetic spells and pathetic little wand and that vampire in Book Four. Sanguini. I mean, seriously? Latin for blood? Its the opposite to the way that any self respecting va -""Vampire wouldd ever lead their life. Orthodox or not." Jasper, Emmett and Edward finished. "Yes, Rose, we have all heard the speech. Almost as many times as the whole, 'We-deserve-to-forever-roam-the-planet-alone-and-soulless-I-am-such-an-emotional-wreck-who-wants-to-eat-my-human-fiancee' speech." said Jasper as he emerged on deck, dragging a bikini-clad Alice. Rosalie, appeased with a new thought to laugh at, sat back. The sun glistened off of the only vampires not covered by sun umbrellas (Alice and Jasper). Their blinding diamond skin reminded me that I wanted to go into the sun and to feel its warmth. But I knew that I would then need to be wearing about five layers less of fleece-lined clothing. Sighing, I asked Edward where my bag was. "Well, I think Alice threw it overboard during the storm. She said that it was easily mistaken for rubbish. Sorry, love. I would have stopped her, but I didnt want to let go of you." he smiled my favourite smile, and I didnt mind about my clothes in the least. "I left something of Rose's for you on your bed, Bella." I heard Emmett say from the prow of the boat. I could only imagine the kind of thing he had left out for me. I could also only imagine the look on Rosalie's face right now. "Where is our room?" I asked Edward, noting (and almost faiting in realisation) that he, too, was wearing Bermuda shorts (unlike Emmett though he looked like a campaign for a fashion house). Edward grimaced as he pointed me towards the right door. I looked after him questioningly as I walked down the correct stairs and into the bowel of the boat. As I walked through the bright, wooden main cabin and past doors that led to private cabins, I couldn't help but feel as though I was walking further into the bowel of a carnivorous beast.

Well, I was on a boat with five vampires.

I found the room Edward had directed me to. It was like the rest of the ship (which looked remarkably like the Cullen house in Forks) – light and panelled. There were two single beds. Curious. I walked over to the one closest to the glass window (I thought boats had portholes – I also thought that Edward would have realised that I would get easily seasick if I stayed near the windows).

There was some flimsy red thing that made me feel nauseated in a neat pile on the end of the bed. There was also a piece of paper on top, with an address on it.

Oh dear.

_MISS DEAREST, DARLINGEST, CLUMSY HUMAN,_

_THE NEAREST BED,_

_ROOM 2,_

_LOWER DECK OF "THE HAPPY VEGGIES" DELUXE SCHOONER ( that's a type of boat, Bella),_

_32N 64W - SOMEWHERE OFF THE COAST OF ST.GEORGE'S ISLAND_

_BERMUDA_

_Hey Bella! It's your favourite brother here! (because, well, nobody could like Jasper as much as me!) Edward told me that you and Mrs I-enjoy-yelling-at-perfectly-innocent-and-incredibly-good-looking-vampires over there enjoy writing notes to each other, so I thought I'd try it out. _

_How are you liking the Bermuda Triangle so far? Isn't this boat we got awesome? You should see how fast this thing can go! Actually, you probably will with the maniacal pixie at the wheel. I hope you don't get seasick easily. On second thought, I hope you do - that would be plain hilarious! _

_Wait, I'm getting off-topic. As you already know, Carlisle and Esme are going to be staying with us at the resort (it just wouldn't be a family vacation without them!), and Esme called ahead to say that she doesn't want any 'funny business' going on while we're here i.e. no one is allowed to room with their significant other. And that includes you. So don't go whining to Edward, because nobody ever wants to get on the wrong side of Esme. _

_So, Alice and Edward are sharing a room, as are Jasper and Rose, and you're rooming with me! I wish Edward had found you sooner - this vacation is going to be even better with you around!_

_Seeya Roomie!_

_Emmett_

_P.S. Don't worry, I've made sure that all our rooms are fitted out with first aid kids, y'know, for when you trip and stuff. Which I can only assume is going to happen often. Hey, would you mind falling into the pool when we get there? I have a bet with Jasper!_

There was also a cartoon drawing below the note, of what I imagine to be me in a red bikini falling into a pool. I noted that I had red skin and a green face.

"Hi Roomie!" Emmett said cheerfully, from the door.

Before I could react I heard a high pitch, chillingly beautiful scream from above.

**A/N: Well, I know that was a long chapter, but I hope I didn't bore you too much. Reviewers not only get the happy, warm feeling that tells you that you made two people's day but also get some cyber chocolate cake! With bits of Flake! **

**Where did the scream come from? What will happen to the Cullens being split up? Will they ever make it out of the Bermuda Triangle?**

**Credit for Emmett's letter goes to Alice! Stay tuned for her next chapter! **

**DISCLAIMER: We would like to make it known that we do not own Twilight, Perfect Storm nor Harry Potter or any of their affiliates.**


	12. Chapter 11 A

**A/N: Hello everyone, it's Alice! Remember me? ****Bella and I apologize profusely for the delay – we've been unbelievably busy what with school starting back and everything. Anyway, we'd like to thank: Lydia, William Wolvenheart, elizabeth marie cullen, AliceCullenLivesForever, pearberry14, Tess Wey, OnlyinFiction, Evanescent Romance and inkypinkyanna. Who screamed, you ask. Well, we have a poll on our profile which you can vote in, even though you're about to find out! Hope you like the chapter, I had almost **_**too**_** much fun writing it!**

The second that Bella stumbled down the stairs to her room (it was a miracle she didn't incapacitate herself in the process), Emmett burst out laughing. The familiar sound seemed to relax everyone and things shifted from a tense silence to a comfortable chatter. Well, when I say everyone, Edward wasn't included. But my dear brother wouldn't know relaxation if it hit him over the head with a shovel.

"That wasn't a very nice thing to do to Bella, Emmett." I commented, leaning back against Jasper's chest. "I've got to warn you, I've had a few visions of her chasing after you when she's a newborn, and they're not very pretty."

Jasper snorted, kissing me on the cheek and even Edward cracked a wry smile.

"Well," Emmett reasoned. "It's about time Bella got some action."

Edward rose to his feet snarling furiously as Rosalie let out a derisive laugh. I casually stretched out an arm and pushed him down again, using a little more force than was necessary.

Jasper rolled his eyes at our antics. "Seriously, Em," he turned to face Emmett, who was doubled over laughing. "I've had enough of all of your inappropriate comments. In fact, I'll give you ten thousand dollars if you can last the whole vacation without making a single sick-minded joke."

Emmett contemplated this for a moment before smiling hugely. "I'll do that...but you aren't allowed to kiss Alice."

I seized a fistful of Jasper's shirt and glared daggers at my gleeful brother. Jasper, however, was now beaming too.

"Fine, as long as Rose only shows six inches of skin at a time."

"What?" Rosalie gasped, clutching at one of her bikini straps.

"WHAT?!" Emmett roared, apparently revolted by the idea of his wife dressing modestly.

"My turn!" I chimed in, now enjoying myself quite a bit. I turned the full force of my gleaming teeth on Edward. "You get to see Bella for eight hours a day - maximum."

Instead of yelling in anguish as I had seen him react in my vision, Edward smiled bigger than all of us put together. "But, you know what that means, Alice," he replied quietly. He had a malicious glint in his eye I didn't like the look of.

"What?" I demanded, a little scared of what the outcome might be.

Edward was now grinning so hard his face looked ready to crack in two. "No wedding planning."

I froze in place, arms sticking out from my sides, my mouth a little 'o' of pure horror. My brain tried to make sense of what Edward had just said to me. No wedding planning? Was he insane? The only reason this wedding would ever happen was because of me.

"Great, Edward, you just gave Alice a stroke." Rosalie remarked bitterly, obviously still upset about her part of the bargain.

Jasper shook my shoulders gently, all the while giving Edward a poisonous look. "Alice, honey, are you okay?" he said softly, not taking his eyes off Edward, who was laughing so hard he'd fallen off his chair.

My cell phone vibrating in my pocket brought me back to reality. I flipped it open, not bothering to check the caller ID.

"Alice Cullen." I answered automatically, and listened as the caterer blathered on about a mixed up salmon order. "Wait, what?" I asked, this news driving me over the edge. "Are you telling me that there are twenty pounds of dead fish rotting away at the church!?" I shrieked, possibly deafening the caterer on the other end.

"Um, I'm sorry, ma'am, for any troubles caused by the mistake –"

"I don't need your apologies; I need you to get that salmon out of the church, right now –"

I had been so furious with the bumbling idiot on the other line that I didn't notice Edward standing behind me until he snatched the phone out of my hand.

"Miss Cullen is unavailable right now," he said smoothly. "She will call you back at a later date." he closed the phone with a snap and threw a mocking smile my way.

"Edward." I clenched my fists. "Give me my cell phone. Right. Now."

"Didn't you hear me, sis?" he sneered the name as he dangled my phone over my head tauntingly. "No wedding planning. And that includes scaring the life out of young caterers."

"But, Edward! There is twenty pounds of salmon just sitting there in the church! It's an emergency! GIVE ME BACK MY CELL PHONE!" I jumped up; attempting to get my cell phone back, but Edward just dangled it higher.

"Hmm..." Edward put on an expression of mock-thoughtfulness. "You're obviously not going to give up. Well, that only leaves me one option..."

And, before I could do anything to stop him, Edward had tossed my one thousand dollar cell phone over the side of the boat and into the ocean.

I threw back my head and let out a high pitched scream of fury before launching myself at Edward, punching and kicking him as hard as I could.

Just as I had started clawing his face with my nails, Bella reappeared and let out a little gasp of horror. Emmett, on the other hand, howled with mirth as I attempted to rip off Edward's arm with my teeth.

Before I could do any real damage, Jasper's arms snaked around my waist, restraining me from killing my loathsome brother.

"Jazz...let...go! I...need...to...kill...Edward..." I thrashed in Jasper's arms as I struggled to get free.

"Alice, sweetheart, why don't you go downstairs?" Jasper made his tone painfully sweet, but I could feel the effort it was taking him to stay calm. "You look a little...stressed. I'll call you when we get to the resort."

I let out a huge breath I hadn't known I'd been holding and unclenched my fists. It was impossible to be angry with the waves of calmness Jasper was sending my way. I really didn't deserve someone so wonderful.

I kissed Jasper on the cheek and flitted down to my bedroom, glaring daggers at Edward as I passed him.

Upon entering my cabin, I noticed a small piece of paper lying on my bed. That was weird...Bella wasn't talking to me right now, and I doubted notes were excluded from that. I picked it up curiously and noticed it was addressed to me in _my_ handwriting. I groaned. I knew who had sent it.

_MISS ALICE 'ME, MYSELF AND I' CULLEN,_

_CABIN ONE,_

_LOWER DECK OF "THE HAPPY VEGGIES",_

_BERMUDA TRIANGLE_

_Dear Alice, full of malice,_

_For all your havoc and troubles,_

_Hurting humans with gifts and baubles,_

_To the depths with your card I will send,_

_To double your punishment, friend._

_Don't you just love holidays? If that is how you want it, no more wedding planning!_

_See you, little one._

_-A poetic genius_

_P.S. One foot in the 'Boating Boutique' and I will rip your boats to shreds. And the others will help!_

I could sense him behind me, no doubt wearing an ear-splitting grin. I ripped the little piece of paper in half, before turning to him.

"Six hours, Edward."

That sure wiped the smirk off his face. I smiled in satisfaction and flopped onto the bed, closing my eyes and massaging my temples.

Next thing I knew, he was beside me, an arm thrown casually around my shoulder, as if I had not attacked him in fury mere minutes previously.

I glowered up at him. The almighty smirk had returned and his eyes had that mischievous edge to them as he pulled out his own silver cell phone. I seethed in silence as he quickly typed in a familiar number. There was a crackle, and then my voicemail picked up, growing fainter with each word.

"Hi! This is Alice Cullen! I can't come to the phone right now, so I'm probably shopping, wedding planning, at school, or 'spending time' with Jasper. So, leave me your name and number and if you're important enough, I'll get back to you!"

There was a crackly beep and Edward held the phone out to me.

"Would you like to leave yourself a message?" he asked innocently, eyebrows raised.

"That's _it_!" I let out another angry shriek and shoved him off the bed. "I have had _enough_ of this, Edward!"

I glanced around the room, not exactly sure of what I was looking for, until my eyes fell on a small penknife on my bedside table. I snatched it up eagerly and used it to rip a straight line down the middle of the double bed and across the carpet.

"Would you care to tell me _why_ you're destroying our room?" he was looking at me with a half-puzzled, half-bemused expression.

"This," I indicated the side of the line I was standing on. "Is _my_ side of the room. That is your side. You are not to cross that line, touch any of my things, or even speak to me while in this room. No exceptions. I will return you the favour."

With that, I collapsed onto the bed once again, thinking of ways to extract revenge on Edward. He was still looking at me in amusement, his shoulders shaking with suppressed laughter.

After around twenty minutes, Jasper stuck his head around the door. His eyes widened slightly at the sight of the destroyed bed and carpet, but he shrugged it off with an 'I'd-rather-not-know' expression.

"We're just approaching the-" he began, but was cut off by Emmett's loud roar of: "WE'RE HERE!"

I thought I heard Bella vomiting up some more of her lunch overhead. I grimaced. Human food itself was bad enough, but when it was partially digested...

Jasper helped me off the feather-strewn bed, looking very concerned. "We should probably get off the ship – Carlisle and Esme will be waiting."

At that, I found myself laughing. Perhaps things wouldn't be so bad after all. Just _wait_ until Esme heard what her beloved son had been up to...

**A/N: Ooh, what's gonna happen at the resort? Stay tuned to find out! And don't forget that all our lovely reviewers shall receive invisible muffins, cakes and various other pastries! Y'know you want to, click that little button! **


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